Understanding the Landscape: Why This Matters for Kiwis
Gambling, a pastime enjoyed by many in New Zealand, can unfortunately morph into a significant challenge for some. If your partner is struggling with problem gambling, it’s crucial to understand the complexities involved. This article is designed for beginners, providing a clear roadmap to navigate this difficult terrain. We’ll explore practical strategies to support your loved one, protect your finances, and seek professional help when needed. It’s important to remember that you are not alone, and there are resources available to help both of you. The allure of potential rewards, even something like the promise of easy wins, can be incredibly strong, making it all the more important to understand the underlying issues at play.
Recognising the Signs: Spotting the Red Flags
The first step in supporting your partner is recognising the signs of problem gambling. This isn’t always straightforward, as the behaviour can be subtle and often hidden. Here are some key indicators to watch out for:
- Increased Gambling Frequency: A noticeable increase in the amount of time and money spent on gambling activities. This might include visits to casinos, online gambling, or participation in lotteries.
- Preoccupation with Gambling: Constant thoughts about gambling, planning future bets, or reliving past gambling experiences. This can consume a significant amount of their mental energy.
- Chasing Losses: The belief that they can win back lost money by gambling more. This is a dangerous cycle that often leads to further losses.
- Lying and Deception: Hiding gambling activities from you, family, or friends. This might involve lying about how much money they’ve spent or where they’ve been.
- Financial Difficulties: Mounting debts, borrowing money from friends or family, or using credit cards to gamble. Unexplained withdrawals from bank accounts or unusual financial transactions are also warning signs.
- Relationship Problems: Increased arguments, withdrawal from social activities, and a general deterioration in the relationship due to gambling-related stress.
- Withdrawal Symptoms: Experiencing irritability, anxiety, or depression when unable to gamble. This is similar to the withdrawal symptoms experienced by individuals struggling with substance abuse.
If you observe several of these signs, it’s highly likely that your partner is experiencing problems with gambling.
Communication and Support: Your Role in the Process
Once you suspect a problem, open and honest communication is paramount. Approach the conversation with empathy and understanding, avoiding judgment or accusations. Remember, problem gambling is often a symptom of underlying issues like stress, anxiety, or depression. Here’s how to approach the conversation:
- Choose the Right Time and Place: Find a private and comfortable setting where you can talk without distractions. Avoid having the conversation when either of you is stressed or emotional.
- Express Your Concerns: Use «I» statements to express your feelings and observations. For example, «I’ve noticed you’ve been spending a lot of time gambling lately, and I’m worried about you.»
- Listen Actively: Allow your partner to share their perspective without interruption. Listen to their feelings and validate their experiences.
- Avoid Blame and Criticism: Refrain from blaming or criticising your partner. This will only make them defensive and less likely to open up.
- Offer Support: Reassure your partner that you’re there for them and want to help. Let them know that you’re willing to seek professional help together.
Your role is to offer support, not to enable the behaviour. This means avoiding actions that might inadvertently contribute to the problem, such as lending money or covering up their gambling activities.
Protecting Your Finances: Taking Practical Steps
Problem gambling can have devastating financial consequences. Protecting your finances is crucial for both your well-being and the stability of your relationship. Here are some practical steps you can take:
- Separate Finances: If you share finances, consider separating them. This can help you protect your assets and prevent your partner from accessing your money.
- Monitor Bank Accounts: Regularly review your bank statements and credit card bills to identify any suspicious transactions.
- Set Spending Limits: If you share finances, agree on a budget and set spending limits for gambling.
- Seek Financial Advice: Consult with a financial advisor to discuss your options and develop a plan to manage your finances.
- Consider a Joint Account with Restrictions: Some banks offer accounts where both partners have access, but one partner can set limits on withdrawals or transfers.
Protecting your finances is not about punishment; it’s about safeguarding your future and ensuring your own financial security. It also demonstrates to your partner that you are serious about addressing the problem.
Seeking Professional Help: When and How to Get It
Supporting your partner through problem gambling can be challenging, and it’s often necessary to seek professional help. Here’s when and how to get it:
- When to Seek Help: If your partner is unable to control their gambling, if they’re experiencing significant financial difficulties, or if their gambling is impacting their mental health or relationships, it’s time to seek professional help.
- Types of Professional Help:
- Therapists and Counsellors: Can provide individual or couples therapy to address the underlying issues contributing to the gambling problem.
- Gambling Addiction Specialists: Offer specialized treatment programs and support groups for individuals with gambling problems.
- Support Groups: Groups like Gamblers Anonymous (GA) provide a supportive environment for individuals to share their experiences and learn coping strategies.
- How to Find Help:
- Talk to Your GP: Your general practitioner can provide referrals to therapists, counsellors, and other healthcare professionals.
- Contact a Gambling Helpline: In New Zealand, the Problem Gambling Foundation provides free and confidential support services.
- Research Local Support Groups: Search online for local Gamblers Anonymous meetings or other support groups in your area.
Encourage your partner to seek professional help, and be prepared to support them throughout the process. Attending therapy sessions or support group meetings with them can also be beneficial.
Looking After Yourself: Self-Care is Essential
Supporting a partner with problem gambling can be emotionally draining. It’s crucial to prioritize your own well-being. Here are some self-care strategies:
- Set Boundaries: Establish clear boundaries to protect your own emotional and financial well-being.
- Seek Support: Talk to friends, family, or a therapist about your experiences.
- Engage in Self-Care Activities: Make time for activities that bring you joy and help you relax, such as exercise, hobbies, or spending time in nature.
- Learn About Problem Gambling: Educate yourself about the condition to better understand what your partner is going through.
- Remember Your Own Needs: Don’t neglect your own needs in the process of supporting your partner.
Taking care of yourself is not selfish; it’s essential for your own well-being and allows you to be a more effective support person for your partner.
Conclusion: A Path to Recovery
Supporting a partner with gambling problems is a challenging but important journey. By understanding the signs, communicating effectively, protecting your finances, seeking professional help, and prioritizing self-care, you can make a significant difference in your partner’s recovery and the health of your relationship. Remember that recovery is a process, not an event, and there will be ups and downs. Be patient, supportive, and celebrate the small victories along the way. With the right support and resources, it is possible to overcome the challenges of problem gambling and build a healthier, happier future together. Remember to access the support available in Aotearoa, and know that help is always available.
